Paige Confronts Childhood Adversity And Heals

Newborns are gifts from God. Paige, however, was one of a kind. She was born prematurely and weighed only two pounds at birth. Due to unexpected health concerns, she was not expected to live. However, the doctors were able to save her life. In addition, God ensured that Paige would remain on earth in order to fulfill her purpose. Before attaining her ultimate greatness, however, God placed challenges in her life that she had to overcome.

When Paige was just 7 years old, her headspace was pretty abnormal. Lying in bed at night, she’d often get this eerie feeling like someone was keeping an eye on her. So, naturally, she’d scan the room, but there was never anyone there. Then one night, things got very creepy. Paige and her sister Yana were resting in their own beds. Yana was asleep, but Paige was wide awake, thanks to some seriously unsettling vibes in the air.

Suddenly, there it was – this shadowy figure of a woman creeping towards their room, lit up by the hallway light. Turns out, it was their mom, Vivian. She just stood there, staring at Paige for a solid ten minutes, no movement whatsoever.

Now, that was totally out of character for Vivian, so Paige was frozen in place, trying to make sense of it all. After Vivian finally left the room, Paige lay there, mind racing, trying to figure out what the heck had just happened. 

Only Paige truly knows what goes on inside her head, her thoughts, and the actions she takes. Coming from a family of three sisters, one brother, and both parents, she often felt like the odd one compared to her siblings. Questioning her abilities, and whether she truly fit into this world became a regular thing. 

Sure, Paige had more than a lot of kids could ask for – both parents, a roof over her head, food on the table, clothes on her back, education, travel opportunities, freedom to hang out with friends, and the chance to join extracurricular activities – the whole package. But with all that, if she just had peace of mind, life would’ve been a whole lot easier for her.

Paige’s Silent Nightly Mental Fights

Paige felt like her thoughts were racing at random moments. It was like her mind was
being manipulated. Especially during downtime, Paige’s brain would do this weird thing that made her clench her teeth and sit there, silently wrestling with her thoughts.

The crazy part? Most of these episodes happened at night. Countless nights were spent mentally battling whatever was disturbing her peace of mind.

In 4th grade, Paige faced some academic struggles. According to word of mouth, Vivian decided to enroll her in a special ED class. However, her father, Larnard wasn’t too keen on that idea and eventually pulled her out of that class. On the last day of school, she got her report card, and let’s just say, it wasn’t a stellar moment.

It made her doubt her smarts and despise school. Unfortunately, she had to repeat 4th grade, but luckily with a better teacher. Once the semester ended, Larnard, made the call to yank Paige and her sister Yana out of that school for good. And they never looked back.

How Johnny Fern’s Passing Affected Paige Deeply

On September 10, 2007, something affected Paige’s mood – her favorite music artist, Johnny Fern, passed away.

It hit everyone hard, but for some reason, Paige was hit the hardest among her relatives. She went full-on obsessed mode with Johnny, plastering her bedroom wall with his posters, playing his music videos on repeat every day, and even having thoughts she shouldn’t be having. 

Eventually, Larnard reached his breaking point with her Johnny Fern fixation. He couldn’t bear the fact that his daughter wished she didn’t exist anymore. So, he laid down the law – the posters had to come down, and Paige needed to take a serious moment to think about what she’d said. When Vivian finally got wind of the situation and asked for the details, Paige said, “I upset Dad because I told him I’d rather not live after Johnny Fern’s passing.” But here’s the weird part – Vivian had this strange grin on her face as if she was happy to hear her child say that. Paige couldn’t wrap her head around it – “Why on earth would Mom be gleeful about me thinking such dark thoughts?”

Battling Brain Fog And Depression

At times, Paige found herself grappling with overwhelming feelings, sensing that something about her mental space was off. Whenever she attempted to express a thought, she experienced intense brain fog and had difficulty conveying a complete thought sometimes. But this struggle seemed to intensify as she navigated through her college years.

In 2013, Paige was a sophomore trying to make it through college. She was never a fan of school because some subjects were a real puzzle for her to figure out. She wished school was a breeze, but reality hit differently. The year 2015, in particular, turned out to be a tough one. Battling severe depression, Paige juggled her emotions while working a part-time job at a grocery store for some extra cash.

Eventually, she reached a breaking point – skipping classes, taking days off from work, and immersing herself in junk food, her bed, and tears.

During those darkened nights, she experienced something straight out of a horror movie – an evil voice foretelling a grim future. The evil spirit’s chilling words haunted Paige, pushing her to the edge where despair took over. The depression became so draining that Paige found herself contemplating drastic measures to escape the pain.

Unveiling Hidden Struggles Over A Smoke

One evening, after a long day at work, Paige headed back to the apartment she shared with her sister, Yana. Once inside, Yana popped into Paige’s room, suggesting they smoked some marijuana. Paige, feeling the need to unwind, agreed to the idea. The two found themselves in Yana’s room, puffing away, chatting, and vibing to music.

As they enjoyed their evening, the marijuana started messing with Paige’s mind. Out of the blue, she had a moment of truth, revealing to Yana that she had struggled with the idea of self-harm on more than one occasion. Concerned, Yana stuck by her side, offering comfort and support.

A few days later, Paige decided to move back in with her parents and finish her semester online.

However, the home environment didn’t turn out to be the comfort she hoped for. Things got even more challenging, making Paige feel even more miserable.

Paige Finds Solace In Being Creative

After a week at home, Paige started attending therapy sessions and Vivian insisted on accompanying her. This made Paige uncomfortable, as she felt unable to express everything that was on her mind. Although she could have told Vivian that she preferred to attend therapy alone, Paige was too mentally drained to argue.

To cope with her misery, she decided to give her bedroom a colorful makeover. Covering the walls with vibrant colors and pictures, enjoying arts and crafts, and sleeping with many stuffed animals helped her escape the real world. This atmosphere made her feel safe and happy, creating an imaginary world filled with uplifting, joyous, animated characters.

However, Paige’s parents couldn’t grasp why she chose to decorate her room so colorfully and slept with stuffed animals. They even remarked that she was too old for such things. This made Paige feel that her parents were being judgmental and didn’t understand her intentions.

From Obstacles To Independence

After overcoming MANY obstacles, Paige eventually completed her studies, saved up some money, and secured a place of her own with the assistance of Larnard. The journey was rough, but in the end, she found a new beginning.

Although Paige scored her own place, it didn’t magically erase all her problems. Vivian’s behavior seemed to be getting worse. She wanted to spend an excessive amount of time with Paige and even placed guilt on her whenever she needed time for herself. However, it didn’t matter to Vivian what her daughter’s responsibilities were or what activities she had to attend to. Since Paige was dealing with severe depression, she used that to her advantage to manipulate her. 

The Dynamics Of Parental Support And Career Struggles For Paige

Paige often found herself wondering whether her dad was on board with Vivian’s toxic behavior since he didn’t put an end to it. Larnard tends to allow Vivian’s ways occasionally, which led Paige to believe that he is toxic as well and agrees with her mom’s ways. Larnard was aware of Paige’s concerns regarding Vivian’s behavior; however, he believed it was reasonable to tolerate such disrespect because she is the mother. He enabled her bad conduct. 

In addition, sometimes Paige questioned whether Larnard thought highly of her and if he undervalued her abilities. Since she was a little girl, he would tell her that he believed in her and that she could achieve anything she put her mind to, but she struggled to believe him at times. Paige felt like Larnard only did that because he didn’t want her to feel left out from her siblings and that he was trying to convince himself that she was intelligent. 

Sometimes, parents conceal their true emotions about their children out of concern for how it might affect them. However, reading between the lines isn’t difficult. Paige feels that Larnard is ashamed of her job. Even though she holds a college degree, she’s currently employed at a grocery store. While it’s admirable to want the best for your child, what truly matters is offering support, regardless of their current situation, until they reach their goals in life.

Many college graduates struggle to find employment after finishing school, and sometimes they have to take any available job to get by. But Larnard probably doesn’t understand this reality. Paige believes that since he is from a different era, he thinks it’s easier to get into a career now than it was back then. The world is in some crazy times, and Paige is doing the best she can to sustain her livelihood.

Finding Love Amidst Adversity

Paige endured many hardships throughout her life, but things eventually improved. In 2016, she crossed paths with a handsome and loving man named Raynold.

Initially, their relationship had its bumps. Why? Because she was still battling depression and in a fragile state, allowing Vivan’s lies, manipulations, jealousy, envy, control-freak tendencies, and toxicity—to mess with her peace of mind, amongst other things. She was on a mission to sabotage Paige’s happiness and relationship, trying every trick in the book. Miserable people cannot stand to see the ones closest to them happy. Vivian was aware of Raynold’s potential to have a positive impact on Paige, which was not what she wanted for her.

But thanks to Paige’s determination to conquer her mental struggles and Raynold’s persistent positivity and support, they’re standing strong and leveling up in their relationship. He has been Paige’s rock, showering her with so much to aid in her healing that she’s trying her best every day to show him gratitude because she loves him and he saved her life. In her book, Raynold is a gift from God. 

Paige Went From Childhood Confusion To Adult Clarity

As a child, Paige was confused by the turmoil in her mind. However, now that she has grown up, matured mentally, engaged in deep soul-searching, observed people closely, strengthened her relationship with God, she understands who has been against her all these years. God, who sees everything, is always by her side. Paige is on a mission to achieve great things. Mark her words!

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